Affairs rarely have just one cause, and they don't always happen because of unhappiness or dissatisfaction in a relationship. It's vital that you both understand the real reasons why it happened. Your relationship, your individual stories, the pressure of your lifestyle and your beliefs are all factors that can help understand why an affair has happened.
Though unveiling the causes may be very painful and time consuming, it is imperative to do so, because since unless you know what went wrong, you won't be able to change things in the future. If your partner has told you the reasons and you are still unable to get over it, try and be patient. It takes time to rebuild trust that has been broken.
While finding out that your partner is having an affair may turn your world around, there still exists hope that the situation between you two may change for the better.
The unfaithful partner must end the affair, once and for all.
1. He/she should be transparent about his/her future actions, share information about schedules and movements and disclose any interactions with the other person.
2. It might be necessary for a short time to share privacy controls such as passwords, since it could be impossible for a deceived partner to trust without this level of openness.
3. Talk it through.
4. The whole process may take months or longer. Often, the unfaithful partner wants to draw a line under events and not talk about them, or a faithful partner is reluctant to ask questions in case the answers are too painful. It's important to tell the story of the affair and why it happened.
5. Set a time limit for your discussions, and don't talk when you're tired. You could end up talking for hours and hours and go round in circles.
6. Agree to discuss future challenges too, don't just hope they'll go away. Talk about the future threats to your fidelity, like crushes or friendships that could cross the line.
7. Commit to a new future together. Both of you must do this and mean it.
8. Find time for each other, take an interest in each others' lives and feelings, and resolve to be honest with each other in future, even if it means taking a risk.
9. It can be hard to restore a sexual relationship after an affair. Be patient with each other and talk about any emotional barriers. Give some thought to how a satisfying sexual relationship can alleviate some of the pain, but remember patience and honesty are the key.
10. Consider some relationship counselling.