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How does having a baby affect your relationship?

The transition from being a couple to becoming a family is joy-filled but also turns your world upside down! As you and your partner adjust to your new responsibilities as parents, you will find that you have less time for each other. Having a child can be hard on any relationship. The birth of a child tests even the strongest of relationships. For couples with a new baby, learning to parent, share their home and even their bedroom; makes up the bulk of their time during first few months of parenthood. There are more books to read, laundry and chores to do, and there is much less time. Baby needs constant attention. Nights are busy with multiple feedings and mornings start early, very early.

There’s no denying it — once you have a baby in the house, so many changes take place — and this is especially the case in your relationship. Whether it’s your first child or second, your relationship still sees a jolt. The first child most often brings about the greatest life and relationship change, but each child affects the couple almost exponentially, by widening the scope of responsibilities and compounding family and relationship dynamics. Between lack of sleep, wacky hormones, and the stress of figuring out how to change a diaper or calm a crying kid – on top of the effort required to maintain a happy, healthy relationship, whether or not you have an infant to worry about – no wonder people go through a rough spell.

Having children can bring couples closer. But it also can chip away at a relationship if you’re unprepared for the potential pitfalls. The statistics show that around 70 per cent of couples experience a significant slump in their relationship quality after having a child. The key in keeping a relationship happy and fulfilling is knowing what these pitfalls are, having realistic expectations and staying committed to each other. The most common pitfalls are highlighted below:

Sleep deprivation:

Everyone knows that having kids is exhausting. Sleep deprivation during the newborn phase is perhaps one of the most commonly underestimated challenges of parenthood. It sinks your mood and makes it harder to cope effectively with stress. Lack of sleep can strain the relationship in various ways: couples may fight on small things, and may get angry with each other as well.

Lack of intimacy:

Sexual intimacy declines after having a baby, and not surprisingly, this can negatively affect your relationship. Because sexuality is intensely personal and sexual connection is a major component of romantic relationships. The decline happens for many reasons. Couples also experience a decline in desire because of busy schedules, body image issues, fatigue and due to other concerns.

Responsibilities:

The most prevalent problem for couples is division of labour. Resentments inevitably peak when one partner feels like they’re tackling more tasks and working harder. “They may compare and become competitive or defensive about their responsibilities, schedules or the pros and cons of their work or role, a stay-at-home dad might think his wife’s day at work is filled with swanky business lunches, interesting projects and a quiet commute, while he’s dealing with temper tantrums and dirty diapers. His wife might imagine him playing, cuddling and connecting with their child, while she deals with a difficult boss, endless deadlines and concerns over job security. One of the problem is that couples usually don’t have a plan for how they’re going to divvy up responsibilities. Many couples make assumptions about who’ll do what — often based on how their parents did things — which typically leads to confusion and conflict.

What can we do to stay close?

Every day, no matter how tired you are, spend time with your partner to talk about your day, your feelings and your worries. Just five minutes at dinner is better than nothing at all. Cry when you need to cry, laugh at the smallest funny thing, and save some of that love for your partner. Be tactile with each other. Don’t forget a quick cuddle, or a kiss, every day goes a long way! Don’t take each other for granted. It’s easy to just bumble along, especially if you have been together a long time and you have a baby to think about. Try to support and encourage each other and always listen to each other’s problems. The most important thing in any relationship is communication. If you keep talking and being honest, you’ll keep that strong bond. Never go to sleep on an argument. And don’t hold grudges. Tell your partner immediately what’s bugging you or make sure he winkles it out of you before bed time. The kissing and making up bit is always fun.