Divorce And Separation

Minimising the Impact on Children

We know how concerned separating parents can be about their kids' feelings. It's a tricky time when the family changes its form but with some thought and planning, the effect on the children can be reduced. This might sound impossible, especially if you are in the middle of an emotional upheaval, however with a slight effort, you can make a difference.

Following are the tips that may help you:

1. Children will be better able to cope if their parents can be seen to share the responsibility for their welfare. So, telling them about what is about to happen and when, and that too together will show them that you can still be Mum and Dad even though you're not together as a couple anymore.

2. While you want to be open and honest with the children, try to keep in mind what they can cope with at their specific ages. They do not need to know every single detail about what has went wrong, nor should they be involved in any conflict between you and your partner.

3. Try to keep as normal a routine as possible. When the routine has to change, introduce the changes as slowly as you can and talk them through with the children.

4. Reassure them that it's not their fault that you have decided to separate and that it is between the two of you.

5. Do everything you can to help yourselves adjust to your new situation, especially if you are the parent with residence.

6. Reassure them that you have decided to separate from each other but not from them; you are still their parents. Do not put them in a position where they have to choose between you.