Relationship Counselling

Sexual Conserns  


A lot of couples need help with sex. If they've drifted apart, failed to resolve conflicts, or merged into one gloppy entity, these relational problems are often reflected in their love life (or lack of one). Conversely, identifying and fixing difficulties in their sex life can not only make sex better, it can fix other problems as well, because it is hard to feel distant from or angry at someone who brings you so much pleasure.

Common issues which arise due to a lack of physical intimacy include:

1. One partner might be secretly or overtly disgruntled about the frequency or content of lovemaking, leading to resentment or lack of enthusiasm for other aspects of living together.

2. One of the role divisions that lead to men wanting sex more than women has to do with parenting. Even in feminist-informed marriages, nursing mothers get involved with babies in a way that fathers just can't. Beyond that, deep societal expectations can lead mothers to spend more time with their kids than fathers do.

3. Many couple's sexual problems stem from their difficulties discussing the subject. They grew up in families that made the subject taboo or "unnecessary". They don't see sex as a key part of life, and they don't see romance and marriage as sexual institutions.

4. The partners might not be interested in sex, robbing the relationship of an important adhesive.

5. Couples often fall into the trap of comparing their relationship, and coming up short, to their own heady, dreamy days at the start or to Hollywood images of passion.

6. One partner may feel that sex means validation or freedom or conquest, none of which are available from a spouse. If you feel essentially ugly and undesirable, your partner might not be able to make you feel attractive and desirable like a stranger can. Many people who grew up in sexually repressive families associate sex with freedom. It's something about you that breaks the shackles of conventionality and familial control.

While most people have a poor sex life due to various emotional or functional reasons, a lot of couples may be suffering from a lack of physical intimacy due to certain physical reasons. Such as:

Difficulty having intercourse

1.Orgasmic Difficulties- Many individuals both men and women experience difficulties in achieving an orgasm, and there are some individuals who rarely or never orgasm. Whilst not all individuals need or want to orgasm to enjoy their sex lives, You may find yourself in a situation where you would like to achieve orgasm with your partner or yourself.

2.Vaginismus - Some women have difficulties with penetrative sex, and may never have been able to be penetrated, despite wanting this to happen. Smear tests may have been very difficult or impossible to do, and tampon use may be difficult. Other women may have been able to have penetrative sex and have used tampons, but find that difficulty in penetration develops after an event such as a traumatic delivery. This can be extremely distressing for both the sufferer and their partner.

3. Pain on intercourse (dyspareunia) - Both men and women can experience pain through intercourse. Women can experience pain when they are not fully aroused and penetration takes place. Some sexual positions can involve deeper penetration and can be painful. Medical conditions such as pelvic infections, surgery and childbirth injuries can also cause pain Men can experience pain on intercourse if their foreskin is tight (phimosis). This occurs in uncircumcised men and can lead to infections.

4. Erectile difficulties - 'Erectile difficulties' mean that men have difficulty in obtaining and maintaining an erection, which makes penetration difficult or impossible. In some cases an erection is never achieved. This can be very upsetting for the sufferer and their partner, who often feel they are to be blamed and so the stress cycle becomes greater. If there is no medical reason for the erectile difficulties, then sex therapy combined with a cognitive behavioural approach can be extremely effective in bringing about rapid improvement. If there are medical reasons why erectile difficulties have occurred, sex therapy can still be very helpful in helping the man explore way of adapting his sexual practice to manage the difficulties. Often partners can be involved in these sessions.

Ejaculation problems

1. Premature ejaculation means the man ejaculates too quickly. Some times it occurs because the man has not learnt to control the "point of inevitability"- the sign that tells you that you are about to orgasm. As a result ejaculation may occur before penetration, or soon afterwards, which may leave you and your partner frustrated.

2. Delayed ejaculation is a medical condition in which a male cannot ejaculate, either during intercourse or by manual stimulation with a partner. Most men ejaculate within a few minutes of starting to thrust during intercourse. Men with delayed ejaculation may be unable to ejaculate (for example, during intercourse), or may only be able to ejaculate with great effort after having intercourse for a long time (for example, 30 to 45 minutes). Delayed ejaculation can have psychological, or physical causes. Some medication can also interfere with ejaculation.

3. Retrograde ejaculation is an uncommon condition that occurs when semen enters the bladder instead of going out through the urethra during ejaculation. The main reason for retrograde ejaculation is that the bladder neck does not close. This causes semen to go backwards into the bladder rather than forward out of the penis. Retrograde ejaculation may also be caused by medical conditions such as diabetes, surgery to the prostate and medications. Injury can also cause retrograde ejaculation. Sufferers tend to notice that there is little volume of ejaculate on orgasm and that their urine is cloudy. Treatment is by stopping any medication that may be causing the condition.

At The Mind and Wellness Studio, we help the couples restore their sexual lives, by helping them connect on an emotional front as well as by guiding them to the correct sources.

M-65, Greater Kailash, Part 1,
New Delhi-110048

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