Anger is a perfectly normal emotion. Everybody gets angry, even babies. While it is normal to be angry, and necessary to express anger, anger isn't always a negative emotion. It tells family members that something is wrong and opens up the way to solve the problem by getting the attention of others in the family.
Anger can be a challenging emotion for many teens as it often masks other underlying emotions such as frustration, embarrassment, sadness, hurt, fear, shame, or vulnerability. When teens can't cope with these feelings, they may lash out, putting themselves and others at risk. In their teens, many boys have difficulty recognizing their feelings, let alone being able to express them or ask for help. Environmental and behavioural changes are not the only causes of anger and frustration. Sometimes, it can be due to hormonal changes in the body as well.
Teenage girls get angry as well, of course, but that anger is usually expressed verbally rather than physically. Teen boys are more likely to throw objects, kick doors, or punch walls when they're angry. Some will even direct their rage towards you. For any parent, especially single mothers, this can be a profoundly upsetting and unsettling experience. But you don't have to live under the threat of violence
Red Flags for violent behaviours in teen:
It only takes a glance at the news headlines to know that teen violence is a growing problem. Movies and TV shows glamorize all manner of violence, Many web sites promote extremist views that call for violent action, and hour after hour of playing violent video games can desensitize teens to the real-world consequences of aggression and violence. Warning signs that a teen may become violent include:
1. Playing with weapons of any kind
2. Obsessively playing violent video games, watching violent movies, or visiting websites that promote or glorify violence
3. Threatening or bullying others
4. Fantasizing about acts of violence he would like to commit
5. Being violent or cruel to pets or other animals
6. Regular outbursts
Dealing with the anger:
The challenge for parents is to help your teen cope with emotions and deal with anger in a more constructive way. Some of the tips include:
1. Establish rules and consequences : At a time when both you and your teen are calm, explain that there is nothing wrong with feeling angry, but there are unacceptable ways of expressing it. If your teen lashes out, for example, he or she will have to face the consequences-loss of privileges or even police involvement. Teens need rules, now more than ever.
2. Uncover what's behind the anger : Is your child sad or depressed? For example, does your teen just need someone to listen to him or her without judgment?
3. Be aware of anger warning signs and triggers : Does your teen get headaches or start to pace before exploding with rage? When teens can identify the warning signs that their temper is starting to boil, it allows them to take steps to defuse the anger before it gets out of control.
4. Help your teen find healthy ways to relieve anger : Exercise, team sports, even simply hitting a punch bag or a pillow can help relieve tension and anger. Many teens also use art or writing to creatively express their anger. Dancing or playing along to loud, angry music can also provide relief.
5. Give your teen space to retreat : When your teen is angry, allow him or her to retreat to a place where it's safe to cool off. Don't follow your teen and demand apologies or explanations while he/she is still angry; this will only prolong or escalate the anger, or even provoke a physical response.
6. Manage your own anger : You can't help your teen if you lose your temper as well. As difficult as it sounds, you have to remain calm and balanced no matter how much your child provokes you. If you or other members of your family scream, hit each other, or throw things, your teen will naturally assume that these are appropriate ways to express his/her anger as well.
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