Articles

Teenage Love

The time from our childhood through adolescence plays a crucial role in helping us become who we are today. It is in this time that we meet our very ‘first love’, our ‘teenage sweethearts’ and the most important of all the ‘chaddi buddies’ with whom we share a few of the most horrible and embarrassing yet wonderful moments of our lives and the bond that we share with them always remains special.

However, when children are young, parents may regard such relationships as being insignificant. They often doubt the ability of teenagers to understand the true meaning of love yet they expect them to understand the love that they as parents have for their children. They view teenage love as being a distraction and consider their teenage children to be too immature to handle such relationships without neglecting the other more ‘important’ spheres of life such as school work and academics.

“You’ll get over it; it’s just infatuation.”

“I know exactly how you feel; I was a teenager once.”

“You’re too immature to really be in love. Your sole focus right now should be on your studies”

These are some of the statements that we have all heard as teenagers!

However it is imperative to realise the importance of such experiences, as they help a person learn a lot about the social world and explore the dynamics of such relationships on their own. Moreover, the teenager is involved in decision making, which teaches the person to wisely choose a partner he/she wants to be with. Wyndol Furman and Laura Shaffer (1981) regard the formation of romantic relationships to be one of the most important developmental tasks of adolescence and these relationships have significant implications for health and adjustment. Teenage is a vulnerable phase in terms of emotions, feelings and needs of such children. Thus, here are a few tips to suggest an alternate approach on how, you, as parents could deal with such a situation:

• Do not ridicule your child. Irrespective of how unrealistic or inappropriate a relationship may seem to you, your child’s feelings are real and should be respected.
• Establishing trust and facilitating communication is most important, otherwise your child may become secretive about the current relationship as well as future relationships.
• It is important to discuss with your child what is important about dating and the bottom line when it comes to the kind of person your child can be involved with.
• It is necessary to keep a watchful eye regarding curfew and honesty in terms of where your child is going, with whom and what they are doing.
• If you have enough reasons to believe that the relationship has gone too far or if the relationship has started to interfere with other life activities, you must step in. However, it is imperative to approach such a situation in a very gentle manner. You could start with discussing the benefits of finding a balance in a relationship. You might have to set some limits on telephone or internet time, or you could also highlight the importance of spending time with a variety of friends.
• Appreciate your teenager’s efforts to maintain a balance among all spheres of life and try to enjoy your child’s involvement and new interests.