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Living a stress-free life post-marriage

From the moment we circle around the holy fire and swear to be together for the next seven lives by performing saptapadi meaning seven steps, we become one.

We share our lives with our partners, considering them our soul mates. However, the process of getting to know each other, especially in the case of an arranged marriage can be overwhelming, which is the case in India.

Couples begin to unfold the reality of being in a relationship when they start comprehending the fact that every decision they take as an individual, will affect their partner and thus, the act of compromising is necessary.

According to statistics and a report compiled by BBC, less than one in 1,000 marriages end up in divorce in India, but the times are changing. Family systems are changing as a result of changing gender roles. There is an increase in the number of nuclear families as compared to traditional joint families. One of the causes of changing family systems is the fact that women have started working and many urban women no longer have to depend on their spouses for financial security. Men are sharing household chores, and gender equations are slowly changing. Since both, the wife and the husband are employed, parenting is compromised and so is their marriage. The level of stress may increase as a result of work load and incomplete household chores. This lifestyle pattern leads to multiple changes in one’s marital life. Couples are unable to communicate or spend time with each other. The intimacy starts to diminish resulting in verbal or physical abuse and eventually divorce, leaving their children confused and emotionally disrupted.

So, the question is, what are the secrets to a safe and sound marriage?

In theory, the answer is simple- decrease the level of stress in order to increase one’s chance to have a healthy married life.

Practice the following 5 steps and live a stress-free life post marriage:

The talking cure

Communication is the key to unlock a sense of security and safety. Miscommunication or no communication leads to the development of insecurities. Keeping problems to yourself will lead to resentment.Healthy couples make time for one another on a regular basis. They talk about more than just parenting or maintaining the household. They try to spend a few minutes each day discussing deeper and more personal issues in order to stay connected to their partner.

The effort to keep it fascinating

Boredom starts to set in when we are unable to stay connected to our partners. In between our careers, children and household work, we need to figure out how to keep our relationships interesting

Couples must try new things like joining a dance class, yoga class or going to the gym together. Date nights make it fun for you to remember why is it that you had fallen in love with each other at the first place. Rent movies, go to restaurants, meet your friends or plan dinner parties together or even take a vacation once in a while.

Physical Intimacy

Spontaneous or not continue to have sex. If physical intimacy decreases, sexual frustration begins, leading to emotional disorientation. Believe it or not, sexual frustration can be the root cause of multiple other issues in a marriage. If you think you are too tired to have sex at night due to a gruesome day at work, fix a date to join your partner in the bed room. Some busy couples find it helpful to schedule sex in order to meet their physical and emotional needs.

 Division of labour

For a long time, women have had the responsibility to take care of all the household chores. In fact, they were obligated to it as social norms stated that it was their duty as a wife. However, this scenario is changing. Women are now employed and to handle both, household work and work assignments can be stressful. In order to deal with the stress, chores can be divided amongst the partners. Adding to that, if you have a child, parenting can also increase the tension. Try to create a balance between your parenting styles and the activities that have to be done for a child.

Work on your ‘self’

After getting married we often forget who we used to be. Changes in our lifestyle lead to a decline in thinking about who we are and what we wish to do. Try to plan dates with old friends, meet your family or even catch up on the activities that you used to pursue before getting married. You can read the books that you never completed and join new courses, ie; music or dance classes. You can also keep a journal to pen down your feelings. Give yourself some time to remind yourself that even though you are married and your life is a little different than it was, a part of you stays the same.

In a country like ours, where marriage is considered to be a match made in heaven, we must remember that marriage is like a car that has to be driven for a long time and for a larger distance. There will be a few bumps on this road from time to time.

In between washing utensils and shaving your beard, picking up toys and dropping off kids, the late night crying and PTA meetings, we forget who we are and what we used to be. We forget to love ourselves and each other. However, we try to fix things and continue our journey.

We still love the mess and therefore we can’t stay mad at our husbands for long hours of money making, with our children for throwing a ball on our neighbour’s head or our wives for burnt dinner.

We don’t want the car to have a breakdown and therefore we fix it to continue our journey towards a healthy and long lasting marriage.