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Increase The Self-Esteem In Your Adolescent Boy

Self-esteem reflects a person's overall subjective emotional evaluation of his or her own worth. It is a judgment of oneself as well as an attitude toward the self. Relationships with those close to you — parents, siblings, peers, teachers and other important contacts — are important to your self-esteem. Many beliefs you hold about yourself today reflect messages you've received from these people over time. If your relationships are strong and you receive generally positive feedback, you're more likely to see yourself as worthwhile and have healthier self-esteem. If you receive mostly negative feedback and are often criticized, teased or devalued by others, you're more likely to struggle with poor self-esteem.

Self-esteem issues in girls are widely discussed and known during puberty. Everything from getting a pimple to their perceptions of one’s own body image can determine ones self-esteem to be positive or negative. It can be terrifying to get their first period, their mind focuses more on opposite sex, their crushes, physical aspect of self and peers. They are in various conflicts in prioritizing with their academics, family time and friends.They become conscious of themselves but they also try to develop an identity of their own. Everyone goes through adolescence and experiences physical and emotional changes, but this is the time when a person also develops his self-esteem. However how a girl experiences her pubertal changes and builds her self-esteem can be very different than boys.

Research by Rhodes et al (2003) and Robin et al (2002) has shown that boys show less low self-esteem levels during adolescence than girls. Boys are often excited and eager about growing up because of the physical changes in their body which they relate to being “manlier”. Certain changes likeincrease in weight and height, their muscles bulge, become bulkier, shoulders broaden, their voice cracks and deepens. All these changes are often seen positively by young men. They feel very masculine because of hair growth in armpits, faceand other areas. This gives them an idea of “being a kid to being a man” which is very popular today. They have feelings of positive self-esteem when the puberty sets in time with their peers; late or delayed pubertal changes might lead to self-consciousness, confusion, anxiety and low self-esteem. Earlier, men used to shave in late adolescence that is when they were 18-19 years old but now, young boys of 13-14 years old only are seen very keen to shave. Greater the feelings of being a man is experienced by young adolescents the more positive self-esteem they seem to have.

Young men during adolescence create their own identity, try to fit in with their peers, become independent and romantically engage with the opposite sex. The more easily and successfully they achieve these, the happier they become with themselves which leads to higher self-esteem. For instance – A young boy in school said “it’s a necessity to have a girlfriend” more so because of peer pressure. Sometimes to be popular by having a girlfriend, hanging out with large group of friends gives them positive sense of identity and self-esteem.

However, many other important developments take place and various bodily changes occur with the surge in hormones. Young men may have to endure oilier skin, acne may appear and perspiration increases which may cause body odour. These changes make boys more focused on themselves in regard with hygiene. As kids they didn’t concentrate much on these things but after growing up, they tend to take more care of themselves. They carry deodorants with them, also tend to take care of their skin. This makes them feel confident and content. As they are also attracted to girls, have new crushes and infatuations at this age, they also somewhat get conscious of looking good and clean. When one feels comfortable in one’s own skin, one can feel good and self-assured about oneself. 

More serious changes during puberty that happen in males are that his sex organs develop, he will begin to experience erections, sometimes followed by an ejaculation. Erections can be unpredictable during puberty and may or may not be sexually stimulated. A boy experiencing erections may feel embarrassed and think that everyone can notice.  So here, the parentswithout embarrassing him further, should tell their son that it’s perfectly normal to have erections and ejaculations (with wet dreams) during puberty.

At this age, it’s inevitable that boys will talk about and compare penis size. Parents should assure him that penis size has nothing to do with his manliness or sexual functioning. And at a time when boys are conscious about how they appear to the opposite sex, parents may want to stress on the importance of personal hygiene and grooming.

Today, as many teenage girls are obsessed with the zero-size figure, young men are also engrossed with making abs. Boys of 14-15 years have started going to gym, spend long hours working out, building their muscles and doing ab-workouts. Their focus shifts from academics to many other things, especially building their body and hanging out with friends. The closer their ideal body is to their real body, the higher the self-esteem they possess. Getting abs and being muscular makes them feel more masculine and closer to the ideal body type.

When a boy goes through adolescence, he changes physically as well as emotionally. When it comes to their emotions, a teenager is like a chameleon, sensible and self-assured one moment, petulant and self-centered the next. All these emotional ups and downs can take a toll on a teenager’s self-esteem. As a parent, you need to nurture your child’s self-esteem because a teen who feels good about him or herself is more likely to make positive decisions in life – be it about school, friends, relationships or sex.

Certain tips parents should use with boys developing their self-esteem during Adolescence-

- As boys become adolescents, they have a tendency to become aggressive, often have major mood swings. Parents in such situations should tell them techniques to calm down, introducing healthy outlets to their aggression by exercising, playing a sport or talking out their feelings. This will give them positive outlook to life and may feel better about themselves. 

- Parents should continuously support their sons when pubertal changes take place, by providing them knowledge about it and before it even takes place, inform them about these new developments so that they can deal with them at ease securing their emotional turmoil and any embarrassment.

- Even though being protective about their child, parents should give their sons space to create their own identity and be independent so as to create positive self-esteem.

- Set reasonable and appropriate limits. Preteens and teens want guidance. When differences arise, listen to your child and try to understand his point of view. To support him more than criticize him.

- Allow you’re preteen or teen to make more decisions as he proves the ability to use good judgment. This would make him feel worthy to have a voice in decision making and make him feel more confident about oneself.

Please note: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of mycity4kids. Any omissions or errors are the author's and mycity4kids does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.