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Overcoming The Guilt Of Being A Working Mother

A woman goes through three very different yet very important phases in her life. These phases include daughterhood, wifehood and motherhood. During this phase of being a daughter to her parents, a young girl blossoms into a young woman as she learns the basic tenets that bind a family together that are love, care, concern, and support. The phase of wifehood begins when a woman is tied in matrimony with a man. As a wife, she not only continues to love and care for her family but she also learns to accept and care for her husband and his family. In the third phase, that is of motherhood, a woman’s major focus shifts towards the child. At this phase, for most mothers the centre of their lives are their children around which their lives revolve. Men go through the very same three phases in their lives of being a son, a husband, and a father. But traditionally in India, the majority of the responsibility of child rearing falls on the women, whereas, the men of the house are considered to be the bread earners.

However, with changing times, such traditions have also evolved to an extent. Women today are not just seen as daughters, wives, and mothers. Women, today, are independent and are not afraid to speak up and voice their opinions. Their choices and decisions are not just restricted to the kitchen and the household anymore. Although, the society today is yet to fully accept woman as being equal to men, the progress towards woman achieving an equal status does not seem so farfetched. The many instances of women winning numerous accolades show a glimpse of how women today are not okay with just being instruments of child bearing and rearing. Women’s goals and visions today are not very different from men’s. Women choose to work to earn a living, to support their family, to lessen the burden to earn on the men, to have the freedom to do what they desire or to lend a helping hand to the men in providing the best of everything.

It is imperative to note that just because a woman chooses to work does not mean that they hold their family any less important. They are expected to juggle the daily hassles of running a household, being a mother as well as being an independent working woman. However, being a working mother has a downside which sometimes trickles down to a mother feeling guilty for not being able to fulfill all her roles to the fullest, especially that of being a mother. A survey conducted by the Pew Research Centre reported that only 10 percent of mothers working full-time give themselves the highest rating for their parenting and just 24 percent of mothers working part-time give themselves a 10 as a parent. The pressure to be an excellent at their job, handling their relationships, being a wife, and, most importantly, being a mom, can sometimes be burdening. According to yet another survey, 80 percent of moms feel stressed about balancing childcare, work, home and relationships. The results also reported that these women spent an approximate of 80 hours on home responsibilities in addition to work.  Being a super mom can surely be physically exhausting but sometimes emotionally too.

Tips for Working Moms –

1. Let go of the guilt of how you are not able to spend a lot of time with your child and think about how your role in the company is benefitting the family and helping you provide the best to your family and their future.  Write down what motivates you to work. Once you reassure yourself that you are doing exactly what you need to or want to do, it will be easier to let go of the guilt.

2. Understand that there is no such thing as being a perfect mom. There are only good moms. Just as you do not expect your children to be perfect you cannot expect yourself to be perfect either.

3. Set healthy boundaries for work and devote an adequate amount of your free time to spend with your children. Take an off once in a while to just spend time with your child. Put nothing else on that day’s agenda and do what your child enjoys doing. Your child will relish the special time that he or she gets with you.

4. Make sure that your partner is doing his or her share in fulfilling the responsibilities of a parent. In case you are a single mom, you should know that it is okay to accept the help of friends and family.

5. Learn to appreciate that you are setting a good example for your child. You are a positive role model for your child. Remember that you are doing the best you can and if your children not realize that right now, they will eventually.

6. Remember that all mothers, whether working or not, have challenges. Parenting is not easy.

7. Stay away from people who make you feel guilty. Take time out to celebrate your competencies, strengths and resilience. 

Please note: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of mycity4kids. Any omissions or errors are the author's and mycity4kids does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.