Articles

Overcoming grudges through gratitude

Gratitude can be defined as being thankful and appreciating kindness while also responding with
affection. On the other hand, a grudge can cause resentment from some experience which people don't
let go of. Keeping on to grudges is a very unpleasant experience, yet we keep continuing them.
Why is that?
The reason for this is that humans have the tendency to be defined by their past experiences.
They turn these grudges into their identity. For us, grudges remind us who we are and why we are
this way. Grudges contain a sense of righteousness and strength we gained through our
sufferings. So, our identity also exists in terms of the anger we feel. It's a constant reminder of
how we were wronged even when being right. One of the other reasons we carry it with us is
because we attempt to get empathy, sympathy, compassion, and support which we couldn't get in
the past. It's essentially a cry for help, as by victimizing ourselves we can say that we deserve
extra kindness and special treatment because of what we have endured in the past.
The problem with grudges is that they never fulfill the purpose for which they are intended. It is
like a weight we always carry on our hearts while craving comfort and compassion. We
seldom attain it and this creates more grudges and it turns into a never-ending cycle. Grudges
don't heal us or make us feel better, they are extremely toxic which keep us from being happy.
Another reason that individuals carry forward their grudges is, that it acts as a defense
mechanism to keep us from being hurt further. Grudges are characterized by anger and
resentment, and it involves defensive behavior to protect ourselves from getting hurt again.
Ironically it often does the exact opposite, it disconnects us from our emotions and makes us
unable to feel kindness, happiness, and empathy, which can further add to our misery. Our
grudges reduce our identity to our pain, and we can become a sad story that might keep on
playing in our heads constantly. To get out of this vicious circle we have to allow ourselves to
feel tender emotions which even though might make us feel vulnerable at times, but in reality,
can help us to be better individuals. One such important feeling is gratitude.

Gratitude makes us realize and appreciate all the good things in our life. It allows us to embrace
kinder emotions, and value and treasure the people we have in our life. It gives us empathy
which allows us to understand our emotions and those of others in an altruistic way which
ultimately holds the key to moving forward in our lives. Some of the ways we can overcome
grudges are as follows.

Forgiveness - try to forgive those who hurt you, because it will help bring about the peace you
need in your life. Try to move on from them and the experience. Also forgive yourself, because it
takes time to heal from the pain. By forgiving, you aren't forgetting what happened to you, but
acknowledging it and are no longer being affected by it.