Articles

Not Making Love Anymore?

Physical intimacy is one of the prime and indispensible facets of a married life. A happy sexual life with your partner marks not just a stable level of trust and appreciation between the two of you, but also builds the emotional ties and connects you at the most deepest levels. However, an increasing number of couples report lack of physical intimacy or in other words, no spark inside the bedroom. 

It isn’t unusual for couples to drain out of sexual energy after having babies or due to the aging crisis. However, being noticeably low on sexual activity, if you are recently married or young enough to have not lost your sexual drives is something to worry about! Most couples start off pretty well, but end up struggling to live together without sex, trying to kill their sexual drives altogether. What could be the reasons for sexual distancing among couples? Do they feel less attracted to their spouse over time? Or are there things beyond attraction?

Erratic changes in sexual behavior and satisfaction can sometimes drive away the desire to continue or actively participate in the act. What leads to such changes is no mystery if you delve deeper and look closely into the relationship.

In a plenty of cases, an emotional drive is intrinsic in sexual drive, especially for women. So, if there exists an emotional distance between you and your wife, it is quite likely that she wouldn’t be excited for sex as much as you are, as long as the emotional turmoil is dealt with. Try ransacking your brain and pull out from your unconscious mind, if there has been an instance where you’ve unintentionally hurt her, and bring it out on the table.

At times it is important to ponder, when you realize you aren’t having sex, whether the physical intimacy was present at all! If it was never there, then it makes no sense to exaggerate the present scenario. You may seek ways to improve your sexual life firstly, by addressing the issues. If either of you are too shy to initiate sex, it can be a hindrance in your physical relationship. An effective approach would be to become comfortable with each other, share a laugh and do stuff together. Often, emotional intimacy leads to physical intimacy.

There are a host of other reasons, both physical (body related issues) and emotional. Body image, insecurity about one’s looks and even hygiene act as major determinants of whether a couple has sex or not. Over a period of time, couples tend to get way too comfortable with each other and often look over the aspect of taking care of their body, especially for the sexual act. Things like shaving and bathing before sex happen to become secondary. But for some such things matter a lot. Hygiene and self-care are prime considerations for people who are either suffering from OCD or even normal people who are concerned about health, more so because they find themselves physically extremely close to a person. Body odor and breath are also some things to check on before having sex. A laid back attitude on taking good care of oneself, despite knowing that your spouse is not very comfortable, can seemingly hamper your sex life without even you knowing it.

Couples battling with infertility can soon start finding sex as just another unproductive chore. Other such physical problems like back pains, chronic illnesses, post-pregnancy issues are also reasons for not being sexually active. Psychological issues include suffering from disorders like depression which intrinsically hold the symptom of reduction in sexual arousal, or, sexual trauma either in childhood or even as an adult can leave behind scars that are difficult to heal.

To improve the time spent in the bedroom with your partner, try some of the suggestions below-

• Couple therapy is often one of the best ways to help find out what areas you find yourselves incompatible with each other.
• Communicate (goes without saying). Just sharing your issues with your partner can sometimes open a whole new perspective towards the trouble that’s going on.
• Share with your partner what you are comfortable doing. There might be certain kind of sexual activity that you might not enjoy, tell them about it.
• Don’t let boredom sneak in. Keep a balance between doing new things, and sticking to the normative.
• Bed time doesn’t always have to be inclusive of sex. It may just involve cuddling and sharing light kisses. Non-sexual intimacy is one of the most critical links to sexual intimacy when in relationship.

Remember that sex is an important construct in marriage, but not the only one. Often people start worrying too much about not being able to have sex with our partner that it also disturbs the rest of their married life. Issues relating to sex and physical intimacy can be sorted; however, if this begins to jeopardize the other facets of marriage, it is an issue which requires immediate consultation. 

Please note: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of mycity4kids. Any omissions or errors are the author's and mycity4kids does not assume any liability or responsibility for them.